Navigating Christmas – top tips from an adoptive parent
Written by an adoptive parent who navigated last Christmas… but only just!
Christmas: planning each day
The lack of routine over the Christmas holidays can make it difficult for some children to cope. Building in routine activities like meals at the usual times can help. Using visual timetables like these on Twinkl that you can download or these premade ones here online are useful to plan each day in advance. Or write things on a wipe board for children to see each day or for the week will anchor them and help children to understand exactly what they will be doing and when, where it can take away the uncertainty of this period.
If you can, aim to go out for some fresh air every day, whatever the weather! We have bought snowsuits for our little and big ones on Vinted and Ebay where we plan to splash in puddles and go to the beach in the rain… children burn off some of the extra energy or adrenaline they might have built up.
Many parents recommend not having visitors every day – every other day at most is likely to help keep the atmosphere a bit more familiar and safe for children (‘the PJs and chill recovery day’; this works well for weekends too).
Christmas dinner?
The extra people, multiple courses, the banging of crackers and the excitement of lighting the Christmas pudding can all make this meal a daunting experience for children who have fragile nervous systems.
Many parents suggest writing down on a wipe board or piece of paper the day’s routine, where this includes eating at normal meal times and giving children foods they know and like – if pizza and chips will make them more relaxed and enjoy the meal, then pizza and chips it is!
We had chicken nuggets and jelly last year and had much less stress, we then played games in our PJs!
Be careful with crackers for children who are sensitive to loud noises, a good solution is to take the banger out or buy homemade kits from Baker Ross or similar retailers. Taking some of the strangeness out of Christmas dinner could go a long way towards helping children feel safe, making it a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
Distract attention by taking a dog for a walk or maybe planning Christmas for the family pet where your child can be involved in thinking of the pet instead of worrying about what may or may not happen for themselves. Could they make or buy something for the pet. They even make crackers with no bang for dogs so get creative!
Look after yourself
Christmas can be a time for getting together, spending time with family and having fun, but these can also mean that it can be an extremely stressful and exhausting time of year.
Making sure you do not take on all the organising – try for other members of the family to have a task, to make them feel significant and to take some pressure off you.
Take some time out to do what you want to do, whether it’s listening to music, reading a book for half an hour, or going for a walk can make a big difference.
Exercise generates mood enhancing hormones and can leave you feeling calmer, happier and feeling more in control. Going for a walk, go to the beach or a swim over the Christmas period could make a big difference. This is a good time of year to treat yourself to something you would like for Christmas… a present from the Christmas tree works for me and I can guarantee I will like this one!
Plan for downtime
It is normal to feel over scheduled over the Christmas holidays. Hypervigilant children may feel especially tired if the holiday becomes too busy. It’s important to include downtime in your schedule. Children need time to adjust and
regulate, which means having time in-between events to relax.
Even though it can be tempting to try to schedule something for every day, your child also needs time to relax during their first Christmas with your family. Make sure they get enough sleep and that they have a quiet safe place to go to. Do not be afraid to say “no” to your friends and family.
Remember, you don’t have to do it all
When you plan to make your first Christmas with an adopted child memorable, remember that it is okay to take a deep breath and relax. Remember that what your child needs the most are you and your family. Your first Christmas will be memorable because you are all together.
In short, pay close attention to your child, try to limit overwhelming activities and situations, slow down and give your child a voice in what happens. Whether they say so or not, your children need lots of you rather than lots of presents!